Extra Tiny Adventure #5: Me too?


I’m a huge fan of girls who wear long hair and dresses. After all, I married one. But, the adamant declaration by certain feminine lesbians that I’ll hear sometimes, that they “LIKE GIRLS WHO LOOK LIKE GIRLS” carries with it quite a bit of baggage. It implicitly suggests that there is something wrong with girls looking like boys, and with the girls who like them that way.

In many cases, the girls who loudly say that they only like other girls who look like girls are young. They’re newly out, and they’re scared of the stigma that comes with being a lesbian. They may wish fervently that all the dykes who look like dykes would just blend in a little, and stop causing negative stereotypes of mannish lesbians out in the straight community. I know that’s how I felt, when I was newly coming to terms with my lesbian sexuality. “I like girls who look like girls,” I’d say, defending myself to the wider world by reassuring them that I was not one of those lesbians. It was only later that I began to understand that the problem lies with a society that puts such a premium on enforcing gender norms that merely being lesbian or gay is nothing compared to the sin of looking a little mannish. (And later still when I allowed myself the freedom to try on a butch presentation, and to like myself the way I was instead of the way I thought I was supposed to be).

So, here’s to girls who look like girls, and boys who look like girls, and girls who look like boys, and everyone who likes the way they look, and everyone who’d never make them change it.


6 thoughts on “Extra Tiny Adventure #5: Me too?

  1. I think it also harms girls who like butch girls like there is something wrong with being attracted to women who look or act masculine and it somehow means you’re not really attracted to women and you may as well just date a man.

  2. “Those who do not know history are doomed to repeat it”..The gay community prides itself in accepting diversity, but there is still a lot of hidden misogyny within our community. I know this is a strong word and perhaps it isn’t quite that, nevertheless, it exists in our community. I hope we can really learn to be open and accepting instead of paying lip services to a different ideal.

  3. Rubbish. It all comes down to personal preference. I have been open and out for 12 years and I happen to like girls who look like girls. If a girl told me she was more in to androgynous or masculine girls then that is her preference. The assumptions and judgments you have placed on a group of people within your own lesbian community are unjust. Overall the post says more about your own personal insecurities than it does about us femmes who openly like other femmes.

    1. There is nothing wrong with women who like femme women the problem is saying it in that way ‘I like girls who look like girls’ instead of ‘I like femme girls’ because a girl who has short hair and/or doesn’t wear dresses and heels is still a ‘girl who looks like a girl’ she just doesn’t look like what society tells us a girl should look like. Do you see the problem?

      1. Exactly! Can’t believe it’s 2015 and this is still such an issue.

        It’s the same thing when people say to me “Wow, you don’t look gay!”. When I reply ” But I do, because I am” you can almost hear their brain’s gears crunching as they try to process it. It’s bad enough having to explain that looks=/=identity to straight people, but god is it ever exhausting trying to get it through to people who are supposed to be on the same team.

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